A Letter To My Daughter

Dear Felicia,

You are the most beautiful, incredible miracle I will ever experience in my life.  I can never put into words the love that fills my heart because of you. I want the world for you and if I could hand it to you on a silver platter I would. I want to walk beside you on every step of your journey through life and protect you and guide you so that nothing will ever hurt or sadden you. 

We both know that I can't physically be with you every waking moment of every day.  And there will be a time when you must walk on your own.  I would like to share some advice with you that i hope might help you along the way.

First, and most importantly, always try to be a good person.  Be kind and don't be afraid to help other people, even if you must make sacrifices! Be the nicest person you know...but do it smartly.  People will take advantage of your kindness, but do it anyway, carefully - you are doing it with good intentions!  Share what you have with others, even if it's the last loaf of bread in your cupboard.  Try to never hurt any living thing.  It will be difficult and you will hurt someone at some point, but when you do - be sorry, truly sorry, and tell that person.

While you should always try to be a nice person don't compromise your values and beliefs. Stay true to yourself, always!  Be a peacemaker! Try to avoid fighting at all costs, but when you absolutely must fight, fight like hell, and don't give up until you have won or gained the respect of your enemy.

Work hard. Work very very hard now so that you may enjoy every minute of your life at an earlier age than most people. Learn as much as possible at all times. Never stop learning. Succeed early in making a decent living for yourself so that you may have the freedom to try different things and live life to it's fullest.

Keep your house in order and your life will be orderly.

Choose a career that you enjoy. One of the worst things in life is having to wake up every day and go to a job that you dislike. Life will be much easier and more enjoyable if you love what you do for a living!

Save for a rainy day.

Fall in love.  When you do, be sure that person is someone who will treat you the way you deserve to be treated: with utmost respect.  Never stay with someone who intentionally hurts you more than once!  If a person loves you unconditionally they will not intentionally hurt you. Don't stand for it!

Learn to speak a second, third or even fourth, language.

If you have children love them above all else.  And, tell them you love them, often. Be willing to lay your life down to save theirs. Teach them to love others. Don't be afraid to discipline them when it is needed. They will thank you later.

Travel. See the world and appreciate all that it has to offer.

Learn the following: how to fix a flat tire, how to plunge a toilet, how to whistle loudly and, of course, how to play poker!

And finally, if you remember nothing else, when you find yourself facing a difficult choice in life imagine making one of those choices and thinking about whether or not mommy & I would agree with that choice.  We would never steer you in the wrong direction!

Love always & forever,

Dad

P.S. I'm serious about the poker thing! :)

If I Had Known...

If I had known then what I know now...

I would have studied more in school,
I would have helped more around the house,
I would have cherished my time with loved ones more,
I would have traveled more,
I would have learned to play poker at a younger age,
I would have learned to play a musical instrument,
I would have joined the military,
I would have seen more of the USA,
I would have learned to surf, ski and mountain climb,
I would have read more books,
I would have learned to appreciate the arts,
I would have learned another language,
I would have spent more time helping others in need,
I would have finished college,
I would have told more people that I loved them more often,
I would have taken a long road trip, 
I would have wet my feet in all the world's oceans,
I would be a better father and husband,

I would not have spent so much time worrying!

I don't regret what I have done only those things that I have not.
Time is so valuable, don't waste it.
Life is so short, live it!

Life Is A Game of Poker

"Poker is... a fascinating, wonderful, intricate adventure on the high seas of human nature." ~David A. Daniel

I once read something where a person described the game of chess as a miniature version of life. The general message was that you had to always look a few moves ahead and put yourself in a good position to succeed in the daily struggles that you would have to endure. The problem with this comparison is that in chess you can always see what lies ahead. It is a game of complete information. If you think clearly enough, theoretically, you should play the game perfectly and all games should end in a draw.

In real life we can never see everything that lies ahead of us. We can't even see what lies two minutes ahead of us. Life is unknown. It is a 'game' of incomplete information. It is random and surprising. It can be exhilarating and devastating. Life is more like a game of poker than any other game.

When we sit at a poker table for the very first time it's almost like the day we are born, especially if you know nothing, or very little, about the game. Just like in life there are rules and etiquette we must learn. We learn these things so that we will be accepted and fit in with the society of which we are a part. Basic survival - safety in numbers. Another survival tactic we learn quickly is to play strong hands and discard weak ones. For example, a baby will learn very quickly that touching something hot hurts and most likely will not participate in that action again. In poker you will learn the same thing once you slow play pocket aces in a multi-way pot! A young child realizes that when he or she is rewarded positively for acting in a certain way it is beneficial to act that way again. This is a key concept in poker as well. If a certain line of play worked out it is best to try it again. However, we must also learn to adapt and change, often very quickly. What works one day may have the opposite effect the next.

In poker, as in life, we must develop interpersonal relationships. We learn to relate to groups of people as well as individuals. When relating to others verbal communication is important, it's why we learn to speak, obviously. Hopefully, we learn how to speak to certain people in certain ways to best optimize our relationship with them. We also should learn what not to say as well. This includes the concept of bluffing. Let's face it: bluffing IS lying. There are times in life we must tell the truth and there are times we simply must lie. Whether it be to spare someone's feelings or intentionally mislead someone into doing something for their own good or ours, we must tell certain untruths at times. In the game of poker this is essential for obvious reasons. I once read a story by a well known poker professional who said that he had conditioned himself to go into "poker" mode whenever he walked into a poker room. This meant he almost never told the truth while there because he never wanted to reveal anything about his game strategy. One time as he headed to the poker room through the casino he realized that he hadn't eaten all day and was absolutely starving. When a friend approached and asked him if he wanted to go get something to eat he instictively lied and stated "no, I'm not hungry, I just ate." He was in survival mode!

Just as important is non-verbal communication. Body language. Tells. We all had an adult figure in our life at some point who could just give us "the look" and we knew we had done something wrong. We all exhibit body language to others without realizing it. We communicate our pleasure or displeasure and we receive this same information from others as well. A person would do themselves a great service to learn and understand this concept, both at the poker table and in life.

We are all taught that hard work will pay off. If we study and work hard in school we will get a good job. If we are dilligent in our carreers we will be rewarded with money and position. But what our parents don't tell us is that some people are just lucky in life and others sometimes aren't. There are people who just seem to step in crap yet come out smelling like roses. These people can do no wrong and have done well without working hard. They are far and few between and once their luck runs out they are not standing well in life any longer. Poker is very similar. There is a saying in poker "it's better to be lucky than good". This may be true to an extent but when that luck runs out the person who has worked hard and developed their skills will pass that person by at lightning speed.

Poker is also filled with great triumphs and victories as well as devastating losses and disappointments. It is this aspect of the game that most mimics life. When playing a game of poker in which money is the measure of success we often experience these highs and lows numerous times in one session. As in life, we can be cruising along for a time, content with our situation. Things may be going just nicely for us when suddenly, without any foreshadowing, we are blindsided by the proverbial bus. All of our chips gone without warning. The pits in our stomachs, our minds spinning, the disbelief at what just happened. The vast majority of us will shake it off, maybe some need to step back from the table for a short time – have a drink, take a walk, pray…whatever it takes, but we, hopefully, bounce back. We sit back down in our seat and take count of our chips. We sure up our position and get back in the game. The next hand might bring us a huge victory when we hit the stone cold nuts in a family pot or we might just steal the blinds. No matter what happens we keep going, playing the game, learning more about ourselves and those around us. In poker you can walk away from the table and quit the game at any time, but what fun would that be? The same goes for life…

Life Variance

So I'm driving southbound on I-95 the other day thinking about my lack of luck. Not that I ever complain about it, seriously, ask my wife. Ok, maybe once in a while I might mention the black cloud that follows me like Schleprock. I'm not talking about health, or family etc. No, I'm talking about pure, out of the blue, random luck. The kind you need to win a game of chance, or find a twenty dollar bill on the ground or the kind you need to hit a one-in-five flush draw on the river. That kind of luck...I just don't have it. Experts say that luck evens out over the long run. You'll have exactly the same amount of good luck as you will bad luck if you live long enough. There's a term for it in poker: variance. At the rate I'm going, I swear, I'd have to live to be 176 years old for my variance to even out. 
As I continue my ride down I-95 I notice that there are no cars driving in the northbound lanes. There is a complete absence of any vehicles until a single Philadelphia Police Highway Patrol Unit motorcycle appears with it's emergency lights on. No siren, just the red and blue flashing lights.  Fifty feet behind that lone motorcycle rider is another, duplicating the first. And then another, followed by several police cars and trucks, as well as several PA State Trooper vehicles.  All of them riding silently with just their emergency lights flashing. I immediately thought "The President must be in town" and expected to see his motorcade any second. But the limousine I expected was not the one that appeared. It was a silver colored hearse. At first I couldn't imagine who could be inside. No Philadelphia Police officer, that I knew of, had been killed or died recently. I tried to recall any news stories of a dignitary who may have passed away but I couldn't. Then it dawned on me. The person resting in the rear of that silver limo was none other than Navy Petty Officer First Class Michael Joseph Strange. 
    
"Petty Officer Strange, who grew up in the Wissinoming section of 
   Philadelphia, was among 30 U.S.service members killed Saturday, 
   Aug. 6, in the crash of a CH-47 Chinook helicopter in eastern 
     Afghanistan."-Phila. Inquirer,8/14/11

This American hero was met at the Pennsylvania state line, where he was in route from Dover Air Force Base and escorted to his home town of Philadelphia where his final services would be held. Without thinking I made the sign of the cross as my car passed the hearse. My heart sunk and I felt goosebumps cover my arms. I was immediately saddened by my realization for who this nominal sign of respect was being made. Deep down inside I was also proud to be a member of The Philadelphia Police Dept at that moment. I thought of P.O. Strange's family, friends and loved ones and I grieved for them. I tried to imagine what he went though during his last moments alive, halfway around the wold in an unforgiving land, serving his country in battle. 
As my heart grew heavy I suddenly felt a wave of shame come over me. I remembered what I was complaining about moments before I saw this somber tribute to an American soldier. I was thinking about how unlucky I was because I can't win the lottery, or hit a set on the flop while playing a stupid card game. I thought the bad luck gods must be against me because the axel on my car broke last month.  Selfish. Petty. Trivial. I'm not unlucky. Most of us are not unlucky. We live everyday in a country where we can choose to do as we wish, how we wish to do it and with whom. Unlucky is a rocket propelled grenade clipping the tail rotor of the helicopter you are in as you are heading back to your base for r&r. Unlucky is an improvised explosive device on the same road as your armored column, as you are traveling on to the next town to search for terrorists. Unlucky is dying in a war torn, uncivilized country and never having the chance to hug your child or wife again. 
Petty Officer Strange's variance will never even out. None of the heroes who have given their lives in service to the United States will ever have their luck turn around. And I will always appreciate that thought, and their service, whenever I start to complain about my own lack of luck, because I AM lucky, after all, I can still hug my child and wife.
 God Bless P.O. Strange and all of the men and women who serve and protect us in the armed services. And, thank you.